By Tosyn Bucknor
It all started so simply. I was told there was this great site. It would give me an opportunity to meet people and express myself.
I love people.
And I love expressing myself. It seemed like the perfect site. I went ahead and logged on to this site. I was excited. I put my name and information, and voila! I had a profile!
It was a fantastic site! I found some friends i had not seen in a long time! I met some new cool people! I wrote notes and left comments on other peoples notes! I poked, joined a mob and sent a gift!
I no longer needed my email because i could just send a facebook message. I no longer needed my phone because i could just write on a wall. I no longer needed a diary because facebook told me when it was my friends birthdays. And i saved money because I did not buy cards…
It was perfect! Why had no one thought of it before? No wonder this was the newest biggest site! No wonder it was giving Google a run for its money and making yahoo and Gmail panic! No wonder it was the site everyone spoke about- pastors, imams, bosses and area boys
No wonder no one spoke again… they just put it on facebook.
Oh wait!
That was where the problem started….
Those friends that i found? I remembered why I lost contact with some of them before. No, I cannot loan you money, and of course not, how would I have removed you from my friends list?
The new cool people? Well one of them is now a stalker. I have turned my phone’s GPRS off as I type this. He traces me you see, and randomly shows up. I know it is not random. He could not have needed a bikini wax last week.
My notes! Ah you see! For every opinion, there is a counter-opinion. And the counter is not always a nice counter. Plus, it is no fun when the joke…or note… is on you!
As for mob wars and fake gifts… well, when I missed my first few deadlines, my boss understood. But when we lost that contract because I just had to make a few more online friends zombies before sending that email which it turns out I never did send because after turning people into zombies I realised that… well, let us just say it is a Monday and I am not at work at the moment.
And it turns out bosses do not like it when you send them official messages via facebook. Infact, bosses do not like facebook. Period.
My friends banned me from their walls after I told them to check this site xjfuasjdskd because their picture was there. They checked. They did not see their picture. They did see themselves getting blocked from their own account. And their passwords being jacked. And their computers being infected.
And all those birthday reminders? Well, how many friends did I have before facebook! I know I do not have to call all of them and send cards, but the time I spend clicking on their pages and writing happy birthday messages on their walls… plus! How can I stay creative and funny when there are ten birthdays. Every day? ‘Happy Birthday love’ seemed to do the trick. Until I put that on my colleague’s wall. He is married. Well, at least he was. You see, on the day I put that message up, my profile picture was of him with me at the office party. Hugging.
So you see, you have to forgive me, but after I click ‘send’ and publish this article, I will sell this laptop and my blackberry and join ‘life’.
Life is where you are when you go to a club and actually dance, or go to a friend’s house and actually have fun, instead of updating your status on how you will dance to the song, or how much fun you are having.
Life is where you actually speak with your sister who is sitting beside you, instead of poking her, or sending her a message asking her to change the channel so you can watch ‘Fringe’.
I am done!
What? Twitter did you say? Like mini-blogging? Fun? The next thing?
Okay. Sigh. It won’t hurt to just check it out. I guess!
45 comments
Not impressed with the overly sensationalist headline.
Am not impressed by this atall.
Who ever the writer is, she should dance to the song since she made beats, let her not blame it on facebook.
Trust me,dt was completely DRY and PointLESS.
Just one word: Dumb!
2 b honest, dis is completely ssstiupid! tosyn, 4 d first time, u no try! unimaginably uninterestin & disappointinly witless. really xpected more
huh?????? hello, hu wasted his/her time to do this? i can do better honey…
Frivolities…
Its all Shits… Pointless indeed..
Buuuhh!!
i thought it was cool and funny
Duhh!!
Guy u no realn tried atall,jus check wetin u say its so stupid n gullible,u jus waste ur time 4 notin okay,so tried again later if u tried again,it wil tell u dat u are not allow 2 talk or discuss on dis site again.
I no even understand one thing u write. POINTLESS
Guy that guy be mumu oooh
e ya
i pity the net if these are the kind of readers they have
please, this is not a real life story as you would have understood if you bothered to read it
plus, you do not have a sense of humour
i am sure half of the people here did jamb more than once
i laughed from the first line to the last
really the net
God help you, your average reader is daft
Na by force or a must u write? Dis was complete rubbish…
I agree wit oseroke
wow
the net, your readers are daft
i apologise
they obviously do not know fiction
laughed from the first line and loved it
no wonder we have big issues in nigeria
i am sure all the people that left comment here took jamb at least twice
you guys are daft
net. sorry oh, you need new readers
preferably ones who can read
@siji. whats ur problem? who r u 2 call anybody daft? pls can u drag a quote from this useless piece that made u laff? or maybe i shd help u out…
"It all started so simply. I was told there was this great site. It would give me an opportunity to meet people and express myself."
so that really made u laff?! or maybe i'm wrong, @ least since it was the 1st line that made u laff…
"It all started so simply."
so that can pass as the joke of the century in ur eyes!! see who says "we" r d reason why we hav issues in nigeria!? honestly, i ur sense of humour (contrary 2 ur opinion) is the mediocre 1!!!
for ur info, im a big fan of tosyn bucknor & i usually find her writings interestin, but this was a poor write-up, complete with a silly heading. and siji, or is it Mr. I-am-the-only-person-to-pass-jamb-at-my-1st-sitting, nobody sed she wrote a true life story or a graphic novel. all they've sed is that dis is a boring read. if u don't agree with that u hav d rights 2 air ur views in a less offensive manner and not come here 2 insult anybody. and since thenet need new readers, u cud b of help u know?! why nt put up a billboard in ur office (if u hav 1) beggin ppl "that can read" 2 visit the site for a cash reward? mkptssssssssew
Siji, I'm with you
I guess its a matter of opinion as they say
Maybe they should have boldly written that it was fiction.
I think tosin should have used another name though
In all, I loved the piece
@brucewayne
U I am the most disappointed in, u shd have got the humour since u claim ure tosyns fan
I bet u dnt know her blog
By the way @siji, have we met on blogger
@Temi & Siji,
Why not be sincere for once, we know Tosyn write incredible stuff but this one is out of it. Whether true life of fiction, there is nothing funny in it.
I was drawn by the headline but I couldnt make anything out of it. You can encourage the writer to make it better next time.. instead of saying everyone reading is daft…
Cheers
but everyone reading IS daft
Hehehe! I like this…trust me, I'd rather keep signed into "Life" more often, trust me, beats Facebook and Twitter, hands down!
Not bad! Not hilarious! Not interesting! Not educative! Not NOT!!!
What's with the drama?
I liked it, I thought it was cute, & witty.
I'm not sure if everyone got the memo: Its not really meant to mirror "real life", its one person's commentary on FB/social media
Anyway, we all like different things, so I don't see why folks need to be quite so rude, especially when its clear that proper spelling, punctuation & grammar isn't their forte.
O_o
@teejoy. u dont hav 2 b disappointed in me, coz i obviously am not a lone soldier proclaimin d wackness of dis piece. i dont read her blog, to b honest, but i do stumble on her writings on a couple of webs. same way i stumbled on this and got soaked in witlessness!
@siji. i luv ur last comment. it was quite all inclusive… "everyone reading IS daft". perfectly doesnt xclude any1, if u get my drift…
dis is making me LOL 🙂
're advice us 2 leave facebook and join twitter? before i think facebook is best but wit what you said my mind is totally change.
found it interesting until the end when she said i should 'try twitter'? for real? twitter is a site for ass-lickers n fake people 🙂 dont try it. facebook, blackberry, twitter, all 'anti-social' tools, period!
Nonsense, I'm highly disapointed with 'ur write up. U lack d swag 2 write.
Siji or wat ever u call urname, u are vry stupid n mannerless n u also daft, cuz i can bring out a point 4rm wot she wrote. U are d most foollish n stupid psn in d whole world. N 2 u bruce wanye u are daft. Blessing.
blessing, why again did u say i'm daft?? pls reply so i can know how 2 address u
i'm stil xpectin ur reply o! u tin of diluted cow breast milk!!
uhmm mr Bruce wayne / batman ….ur attempted diss is off point as cows dont have breasts, dey possess udders…#justsaying
the comments are even fuinnier than the write up.. gosh! we are a funny bunch! lol someone up there actually took the write up seriously and is thinking of changing his mind to join twitter…lmao!!
yh i think twitter is boring, too fake for me.. i'd rather fb anyday!
the write up isnt engaging..not funny either.. just there.. am with bruce tho.. siji u were too abrasive.. u could learn to dress down your thots or opinions cos that was just uncalled for.. nothing earth shattering about this write up, and by consensus, majority thinks so, u cud have left ur opinion and gone your way. smh
i actually dont see anything wrong with this piece its actually thought provoking and if you dont want to say something positive or give some sort of constructive criticism then do not comment at all.there is absolutely no good reason to insult the writer or the readers.. it is only the weak that use their words as weapons
Mr bruce, plz n plz end dis issue, n if u wnt 2 knw y i insulted u , u go bck 2 ur last comment. Blesso.
See it just only one word will all alf pls manage it
I love the post! quite humorous….well done who ever wrote it…great job!
nice one.ok,its not like the write up is extra ordinary,its jst there,it has a very catchie headline which i think,i jst think it shud b readjusted and for al the readers and those dat made comments,very fuuny aint?i love the drama
well…I think we shouldnt be overly sensitive…I am sure the writer of this piece wanted everyone to learn something… if you read this and you didnt connect to the theme of the piece…at least appreciate the fact that the writer could at least put pen on paper or better still write a better one… the piece is ironical and irony makes a whole lot of sense…. if you still do not get it..then… lod have Mercy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
I understand the write-up but i didnt like it. i thot it was boring.I dont understand why NET sensationalize every headline.I think that's just being desperate.. Bruce Wayne: Pls bear in mind that Siji has every right to express himself. Eventhough Siji does not come across as an individual with a bright and gracious mind…
i read a lot of blogs on the internet and the comments of the readers are the same. from yahoo sports to notjustok to notes on facebook nothing is different. when people blog, its mostly for fun, nothing serious. but what the readers write is totally uncalled for. there is no need for name calling, insults and use of foul language. read and if u dont like it, go on to the next page or write ur criticism constructively. period.
i kinda like the peice…
Tosyn is a great writer.
Oh ma days! I am actually laughing my ass out. Not bcos of d write up, but bcos of d comments especially those btw Siji, Bruce Wayne And lately, Blessing. Undiluted tin of cow breast milk? Oh God! Pls just stop!
if only dey cld turn some of dese pple commenting into writers. d comments r ten times more funny dan d article itself.see crazy abuses.lol
lol, i enjoyed reading it even tho its a little errr DRY! am on twitter and Facebook, but i still prefer facebook. twitter has to many fake people who are not really themselves, its faceless compared to facebook and it allows pornographic content!!! unlike facebook. our kids are exposed to both soooo a line needs to be drawn on twitter that is!….my 2 kobo.